Church & Carlton – S1, E7 – Honky The Christmas Goose

A dramatic reading of last year’s Christmas post, “Honky The Christmas Goose” tells the story of my favourite piece of Leafs esoterica. You can hear the original song here.

My Patreon has already helped me to buy a nice pair of snow boots (Thanks!), so from here on out, it will mostly be funding my research trips to the Toronto Archives and the Toronto Reference Library (subway fare, printing costs, caffeine, etc…). If you’d like to donate, you can do so here.

Happy Holidays to you and yours.

-E.C.

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Honky The Christmas Goose (originally Written Dec. 24th, 2016)

“That’s horseshit,” says Terry. “Geese don’t fuckin’ have noses.”

“It’s for kids,” Johnny says. ‘Kids don’t care whether geese have noses or not.”

“But how does he honk then, if he’s got a fuckin’ nose? Geese honk with their beaks. I seen ’em.”

“And reindeer don’t have red noses, Terry. No one cares about this stuff at Christmas.”

“It’s not so much the nose thing that concerns me so much as the general narrative structure.” Frank slicks a wad of Brylcreem through his black hair. “The chorus implies that Honky’s central conflict will be his struggles with his weight but the verses deal primarily with the problems caused by his honking.”

“Mahovlich,” says Terry. “You’re the biggest fucking fruitcake I ever met in my life.”

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