Nazem Kadri first voiced his disapproval of then-Republican candidate Donald Trump’s proposed Muslim travel ban in November of 2015:
“I think he’s pretty delusional. But his opinion’s his opinion…[T]hat being said, I’m lucky to live in a country like Canada, where people of political stature don’t say those kinds of things to make people feel out of place.”
I met James Reimer once. It was at last year’s outdoor practice and all of a sudden he was maybe two feet away from me and I had to say something. Except I didn’t know what to say so I said “You’re very popular with lesbians.” He started laughing really hard and I didn’t know what to do so I started laughing really hard and we both stood there in -30 degree weather laughing until we both started coughing from the cold. He smiled the now-famous crooked smile and said “Thank you” and his face was that fire engine shade of red that it gets during shootouts. It was awesome.
It’s true though: he is very popular with lesbians. Well, bi girls, ace girls, and non-binary people mostly, but my brain had entered Emergency Shutdown Mode and the only word I could come up with was “lesbians.“And our weird little encounter is something I’ve thought about a lot since, mostly because he seemed so genuinely delighted to be very popular with lesbians. Continue reading
“That’s horseshit,” says Terry. “Geese don’t fuckin’ have noses.”
“It’s for kids,” Johnny says. ‘Kids don’t care whether geese have noses or not.”
“But how does he honk then, if he’s got a fuckin’ nose? Geese honk with their beaks. I seen ’em.”
“And reindeer don’t have red noses, Terry. No one cares about this stuff at Christmas.”
“It’s not so much the nose thing that concerns me so much as the general narrative structure.” Frank slicks a wad of Brylcreem through his black hair. “The chorus implies that Honky’s central conflict will be his struggles with his weight but the verses deal primarily with the problems caused by his honking.”
“Mahovlich,” says Terry. “You’re the biggest fucking fruitcake I ever met in my life.”
CW: harassment, misogyny
Back when the Leafs were terrible, I used to trudge out to the pub on the corner to watch the games. I was too poor for cable, I reasoned, but not too poor to get Tuesday night drunk in the Village by myself.
Back when the Leafs were great, I had a hockey-themed birthday party. My parents set up a ball hockey net in the basement and made chocolate cupcakes so we could “ice the pucks.” We played musical squares to the Hockey Night In Canada theme and took shots on my dad to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”
My parents took birthday parties very seriously. Continue reading
Back when the Leafs were good, my dad took me to my first hockey game. He was a die-hard Bruins fan and it was snowing so hard you couldn’t see the road but dammit, his nine year-old daughter was going to see at least one game at Maple Leaf Gardens before it closed.
I think about Joffrey Lupul a lot, A) because I’m a bisexual human woman with eyes and B) because I feel like history is going to remember his tenure with the Leafs as a failure and I don’t think that’s fair.
Church & Carlton 